Cartoon Treasure Island
by Sonicmario
Summary: Oldfic. A fanmake of a parody of a book, known as Muppet treasure Island. Incomplete.
1. The Legend of Gol D Roger

_Sonicmario pictures presents..._

_A FanFiction production..._

_Based on a movie based on a book..._

**Cartoon Treasure Island**

_With credit to NoLimit5 for the use of his character, Rika Itonami, as Jim Hawkins..._

_Porky Pig and Daffy Duck as themselves..._

_Monkey D. Luffy as Captain Smollet..._

_Nami the navigator as Benjamina Gunn..._

_And Brian Murray as Long John Silver..._

Years ago, there was a fearsome pirate by the name of Gol D. Roger, known to most as Gold Roger for his amazing amount of treasure. Legends say he buried all of his loot somewhere out on the great sea, but no one except the remains of Roger's crew know exactly where...

--

It was a dark night at the Drunken Clam Inn. Inside, tales where being told...

"..I was Roger's first mate, that I was." Jack Sparrow, a washed-up sailor droned. "Three days east of Tortola in the Caribie. Roger knew an island. That's where we buried the treasure. Gold and blood; they were Roger's trademarks. He'd leave both behind him that day. Oh, aye. Fifteen men went ashore that day, and only Roger, his own self, returned."

Jack took a swig of rum and belched loudly.

"And get this now, ol' Roger went and died before he could even go back and dig up the loot!" he laughed. "To this day, no one knows who has Roger's map. Now that's a tale worth hearin', savvy?"

The sailors all sighed in annoyance.

"It was the first twenty times we heard it." one of them grumbled.

"Amen." another sighed.

"A word more, eh lads?" Jack asked, taking another drink. "Who could have the map now? Some black-hearted, octopus-eating buccaneer? Or maybe our favorite lass... Rika Itonami! Aye, Rika?"

A fourteen-year-old girl with long, auburn hair tied into a ponytail and blue eyes walked in carrying a tray with a dozen mugs of beer.

"If I had it, me and my friends wouldn't be serving you rum, Jack." said Rika, setting down the tray.

"_Captain _Jack."

Then an anthro pig and black duck walked in carrying trays of food.

"You got that right!" The duck, called Daffy, said with a lisp. "Instead of serving booze in this heck house, we'd be filthy rich! Swimming in a pool of diamonds, having golden eggs for breakfast, living the good life!" Dollar signs appeared in his eyes.

"W-w-we would have to find the t-tr-t-tre-money first, Daffy." the pig, Porky, said with a bad stutter. "We w-would be off se-searching across the whole w-w-world! Exploring distant lands, c-c-crossing the seven seas, boldly going where n-n-no man has gone b-b-before!"

They handed Jack his food. All three friends were looking at it, drooling with hunger.

"Beware the cyborg, mates. He's the one to fear." Jack said in a dark tone.

"We'll keep an eye out." said Rika. "Hey... isn't this story supposed to take place in the 1800's?"

"Oh great, another 'Muppet Treasure Island with a bit of Treasure Planet' fanfic! Geez, can't these kids get away from their precious technology for one day?" Daffy sputtered. "Cyborg, HA!"

Jack rammed his mug over Daffy's head, actually getting it stuck.

"Even Roger was afraid of em'." said Jack. "If he ever comes 'round here, you lads and lass run off and tell me, savvy?"

"Sure thing," Rika said sarcastically, helping Daffy get his head out of the glass. "A cyborg, a mule with two heads, an elf with a few dozen noses, you name it!"

Suddenly, a large, scruffy looking anthro panda walked in from the kitchen. He was Master Yo, owner of the Inn.

"Ok people, closing time!" He shouted, clapping his hands together. "Pay your bills and get goin'! C'mon, move it!"

As everyone cleared out, Yo looked at the mess left behind.

"Geez, how does this place become such a pigsty?"

"I r-r-resent that c-comment!" said Porky.

"Here's to you lads and lassie." Jack slipped the trio some money. "I'll wait in me room until I can get some rum."

"Wow, five bucks each!" said Rika. "Thanks, Jack!"

Once the sailors cleared out, and Jack had gone up to his room, Yo started ordering the three around.

"Ok, kids," he said, blowing out the candle. "When you finish here, you can clean up the kitchen. I left some table scraps for your dinner."

"Gee thanks." Rika groaned.

He started up the stairs. "Oh, and you forgot to put the lantern out last night. Forget again and no table scraps for a week. Good night!" He added cheerfully.

Yo slammed his door shut, shaking the entire building.

The trio moaned.

--

Rika, Porky, and Daffy were standing on top of each other outside, trying to put out the lantern.

"I hate my life." sighed Rika.

"I hate your life too," said Daffy.

"I-i-if I had a life, I'd h-hate it." Porky sighed sadly.

"I should just run away, like my dad did," Rika continued. "He was my age when he went out to see other lands and stuff! Not that I would turn out like he did..."

"Run away and leave _us _here?" Daffy demanded. "Some friend YOU are..."

"I hate to ad-ad-ad-adm- go along with Daffy, but he's right." said Porky. "I'm sure ev-everybody would be upset if you l-left."

"Who everybody? asked Rika. "I'm an orphan. I don't have a family."

Daffy gasped. "How deth-picable! _We're _your family, aren't we?"

"Ye-yeah!" said Porky. "We may not b-b-be b-blood related... or r-related at all, but we ac-ac-work like a family!"

At that moment, Porky was able to blow the candle out. Just at that moment, Rika slipped.

"AAGH!" They shouted, falling to the ground.

_PLOP_

As Rika got up and got the two to their feet, she said, "C'mon guys, really. We don't even look alike."

"Ok, so I'm a duck, you're a human, and Piggy's an entree." said Daffy. "We still stick together!"

"Yeah... but I just wish my life was like one of Captain Jack's adventures," Rika hopped over to large rock, putting her foot on it. "Sailing the high seas and searching for buried treasure!"

"Yeah!" said Daffy. "Gold, silver, gems..."

"D-D-Discovering new lands a-and we-we-we-bizarre civilizations!" Porky chimed in.

"Doubloons, diamonds, crystals..."

"Navigating with dad's old compass to wherever the wind takes us!" She took out said compass and flipped it open.

"Dollars, Yen, Pence..."

"Off to Zanzibar to m-m-meet the Zanzabarbarians!" said Porky.

"To the southwest, pirate galleons!" said Rika.

"To the southeast, Zanzabaneon short ladies with their exploding wigs of death!" Daffy shouted. Rika and Porky stared at him.

"TO THE NORTHWEST, DIRTY DISHES!" shouted Master Yo.

Rika, Daffy, and Porky looked around in confusion.

"How does he d-do that?" asked Porky.

"Might as well start." Rika sighed. "I'll wash,"

"I'll dry," said Porky.

"I'll sit and watch." said Daffy.

--

As the group headed inside, Rika started to feel music fill up her heart. Soon, she started singing.

Rika: _**I look around here and I want to cry**_

"Te-Tell me about it." Porky sighed.

_**I feel like the world is passing me by**_

"it is." said Daffy.

_**And I just can't help but wonder, am I doomed to wash and dry?**_

_**And is it a curse I gotta do until I die?**_

Then she smiled, grabbing a broom and jumping on top of a barrel.

_**When I could be an explorer**_

_**Sailing off to distant lands**_

"Yeah!" Porky and Daffy grinned.

_**Instead of spending afternoons **_

_**Just getting dishpan hands**_

_**The future looks like nowhere**_

_**That I want to be,**_

Rika, Porky, and Daffy: _**There's gotta be something better,**_

_**Something better,**_

Rika:_** There's gotta be something better for me!**_

"That's what I mean, toots!" said Daffy.

Daffy: _**It's a weird and wild world let's go and find it**_

_**The crazier the better is what they say!**_

"N-not exactly, but point t-taken." said Porky.

Porky: _**To tell the truth I really wouldn't mind it...**_

"Mind what?" asked Daffy. "And what the heck happened to your speech impediment?"

_**If we found some place with ten square meals a day!**_

Porky and Rika pretended to have a sword fight with their brooms.

Rika and Porky: _**When danger calls my name**_

Daffy: _**If it does I'm gonna hide.**_

Rika: _**I'll put my courage to the test,**_

Porky: _**And I'll be by your side... **_(Daffy: _**He'll be by your side...**_)

Rika: _**There's gotta be something better than this,**_

Porky and Daffy: _**Something better...**_

Rika: _**There's so much out there**_

All three: _**To see...**_

Rika: _**I know this life I'm living**_

_**can't be my destiny,**_

All three: _**There's gotta be something better,**_

_**Something better,**_

Rika: _**There's gotta be something better than this for me...**_

"And me!" said Daffy. Rika smiled and put her arm around him.

"D-don't forget me!" said Porky. Rika giggled, putting her arm around him as well.

All three: _**There's gotta be something better for you and... Me!!**_

"ENOUGH WITH THE SINGING!!" Jack Sparrow screamed, stomping down the stairs. "RUM!! GIMMIE RUM UNTIL ME HEAD FALLS OFF!!"

He took out his sword and smashed a bunch of wine bottles.

"EEK!" Daffy leaped into Porky's arms. The two dove under a table, donning army helmets.

Rika ran over to calm Jack down.

"Easy, easy, Jack!" Rika held her hands up nervously. "We'll give you just a little, ok?"

"DON'T GIVE HIM ANYMORE RUM!" shouted Master Yo.

Everyone whirled around.

There was nobody in sight.

"How does he bloody _do _that??" Jack wondered.

Suddenly, there was a faint noise from outside. Jack shushed the three, heading to a corner of the room.

Everyone looked towards the door. There was a shadow from the crack, and the sound of a stick hitting the cobblestones. Rika approached with caution. She slowly opened it.

"JACK SPARROW!!" A strange-looking guy shouted. He was old, African-American, had a balding spot on his head, gray sideburns, and large square glasses. "It's me, Colonel H. Stinkmeaner! Yeah, you know it's me, (BLEEP)! Get yo' ass over here!!"

Stinkmeaner barged in and tripped over a floorboard.

"Ah know you're here," he shouted. "Ya coward!!"

Daffy and Porky stared.

"Some kind of dead-eyed psycho!" said Daffy.

"I believe t-they prefer b-b-bl-b-bli-visually challenged." said Porky.

Jack was trying to shut them up without talking.

"I heard that! There's someone here!!" Stinkmeaner shouted. He whirled around and slammed into a rack of bottles.

"Over HERE!" he swinged his cane around, nearly knocking Rika's teeth out.

"Over HERE?!" Stinkmeaner whirled around and grabbed the head of a moose that was hanging on the wall. "Ho, ho! I gotcha now, Jack! I'd recognize that ugly mug o' yours anywhere!"

Rika moved towards Stinkmeaner.

"Uh... excuse me, but we-"

The blind man threw his arm around Rika's neck and grabbed her ponytail.

"A little chick, eh?!" he snarled. "Tell me where Jack Sparrow is!!"

Jack pulled out his gun.

"There's no Jack Sparrow here!" Rika said nervously. "Ow, easy on the hair!"

"You're a lyin' (bleep)!!"

Jack clicked his gun and prepared to fire.

Stinkmeaner's hearing perked up.

He shoved Rika away, flipped around some chairs, and whacked his cane against Jack's gun, redirecting the blast.

"Evening, Jack," Stink sneered. "I know it's you! Thought you could get away, eh? Just take it all for yourself and just leave us all hangin', eh?! We aint happy, Jack! We want ya to have... THIS!!"

He slapped a piece of paper into Jack's hand.

Stinkmeaner turned and laughed... only to crash into the wall. After straightening himself out, he made his way out the door.

_CRASH_

_MEOW!!_

"OUTTA THE WAY, YA STUPID CAT!"

Rika slammed the door shut, while Daffy and Porky came out from under the table.

They looked at Jack. He was sweating all over and his hand was shaking. The paper he was holding had a large black spot on it.

Then, Jack slowly and quietly explained to Rika what it was.

"THE BLACK SPOT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!"

--

Jack had run all the way up to his room and started packing like crazy.

"I don't get it, what's this black spot thing?!" Rika asked once she and the others had come up.

"It's a pirate's death sentence!" Jack said frantically, stuffing his suitcase. "They'll be coming to kill me tonight!"

"Hey, it's kinda like _The Ring,_" said Daffy. "Except with pirates!"

"_D-Daffy!_" Porky scolded. "No time for j-j-jokes! Let's help him!"

The two started to help load up the suitcase.

"It's my old sea chest they're after." Jack growled.

Daffy noticed a book he was tossing in. "Huh, _Shogun _by James Clavelle. Nice choice of literature."

"I'll trick 'em." Jack continued. "I'll shake 'em off at another reef, and gaggle 'em again!

"Care to t-t-tra-tr-say that in English?" said Porky.

"IT'S MINE!!" Jack shouted. "I'm going after that treasure myself!! AND NO FILTHY, HOG-FACED HALF-ROBOT IS GONNA-- AAGH! WAK!! GAAAH!!"

Jack fell over and passed out on the bed.

"Jack!" Rika gasped. The three of them ran to him.

"...HE'S DEAD?!" Daffy exclaimed after a few seconds.

"Geez and this is based off a kid's movie..." Rika groaned.

Suddenly, Jack sprang up and grabbed Daffy by the bill.

"RIKA!" he shouted. "Ri-key, Ri, Ri-key, Ri, Ri, Ri! You've always been pretty decent to ol' Jack, savvy?"

"Uh, pardon." said Daffy in a nasally voice. "But _I'm _not Ri-key, Ri, Ri-key, Ri, Ri, Ri! _She's _Ri-key, Ri, Ri-key, Ri, Ri, Ri!"

Jack shoved Daffy away and pulled Rika in.

"Rika?"

"Yeah??"

"Ri-key, Ri, Ri-key, Ri, Ri, Ri!!"

"Yes?!"

"Take the map!"

"What map?"

"THE MAP TO ROGER'S TREASURE! Don't you understand, lass?? I was Roger's first mate! We all were! Old Stinkmeaner and me!!"

Rika, Daffy, and Porky gasped. A map to fortune had been right under their noses all this time?!

"Damn... The lot of them will probably gully me and anyone else who has that map!" Jack moaned.

"Does guh-guh-gullying hurt?" asked Porky.

"Aye! A lot!"

Porky let out a high-pitched 'oh' and shrunk into the floor.

"So quick! Get the map; it's in my sea chest!"

In a spit second, the three dove into the chest.

"Lessee here..." said Daffy."Underwear, socks, junk, junk, junk, subscription to _Marooning Monthly, _junk, junk, you may have won ten thousand dollars, junk, junk, junk..."

Rika pulled out a tattered scroll. "Got it!"

She opened it and gasped. "It really _is _a map!"

"We're gonna be rich!!" Daffy beamed.

"We're g-gonna be _dead_!!" Porky corrected.

"Beware, lads and lassie." Jack whispered. "Beware!"

"The cyborg?" Rika asked.

"Aye. But also... beware of running with scissors!!"

They all stared at him.

"I mean it! It's all fun and games until someone loses an _AAAAAAAAAIIIIE!!"_

And just like that, Jack Sparrow was dead.


	2. Pirate Attack!

**(A/N: I didn't include the first song of the movie because it didn't really have much of a point, for those who were wondering. Enjoy!)**

**Chapter 2**

**Pirate Attack!**

Rika, Daffy, and Porky stared in shock.

"…Captain?" Rika gulped.

"Tsk, tsk..." Daffy sighed. "And he was such a well-liked character…"

"G-g-guys…" Porky said slowly. "In c-case you d-didn't notice… WE'RE IN A R-ROOM WITH A D-D-D-DEAD PERSON!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" All three of them screamed, running out of the room. Suddenly, something crashed through the window, getting their attention. Windows started breaking all over the place, and the door flew open. It was a gigantic mob of pirates!

"JAAAACK!!" Stinkmeaner, who was at the front, shouted. "TRICK OR TREAT!!"

Screaming, the trio spilt up; Rika going one way, Daffy and Porky the other.

"Don't try to hide, Jack!" another pirate shouted. "You know what we want!"

--

Daffy and Porky ran into the powder room and locked the door.

Franticly, they began searching.

--

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap…" Rika muttered as she ran up the stairs. Suddenly, a pirate crashed through the window near her. "How the heck… I'm on the second story of the building… oh screw it!!"

"Where are ya, Jack?!" a pirate yelled, tossing random things around.

Rika made it to Master Yo's room and pounded on his door.

"MASTER YO!! WAKE UP!!" She shouted.

Yo, who was snoring loudly, shot up and looked around. Growling, he walked over to the door.

"Can't a man get some shut-eye around this joint??" He grumbled.

Once he opened the door, Rika ran inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. She leaned her back against the door.

"I swear I'm going to kill NL for letting the hedgehog use me in this story…" she moaned to a confused Yo.

--

Stinkmeaner was swinging his cane around like a sword, nearly knocking out most of his crewmates. Feeling around, he felt the handle of a grandfather clock.

"AHA! A SECRET PASSAGE!!"

_CLONG _

He smashed his face into the clock.

--

"I f-f-f-f-found the gun!!" said Porky, carrying over a musket.

"I got the gunpowder!" Daffy said, bringing over a barrel. "Let's fill 'er up!"

Daffy quickly poured the gunpowder into the gun. "Ok, l-let's get some b-b-bullets!" said Porky. "Oooh… I d-d-d-detest killing…"

"Stop yer whining' and look before we forget what we're supposed to be doing!" Daffy snapped, not realizing he forgot to put the cork back in the gunpowder barrel.

--

The pirates had discovered Jack's body.

"He's dead, and he ain't got the bloody map!" the pirate who had found the corpse spat.

"Those lil' (bleep)'s must have it!!" Stinkmeaner shouted. "Let's get 'em!!"

--

Porky was digging around the back of a high shelf.

"Aha! I f-f-f-f- got them!" he exclaimed, pulling out a sack. "D-D-Daffy, I found the bu-b-b-bullets!"

"Great, give em to me!"

Porky tossed the bag to Daffy, who caught it… but he was holding it upside down. All the bullets came pouring out.

"Whoops…"

--

Some of the pirates ran to Master Yo's door and started to beat at it.

"OPEN UP IN THERE!" one shouted. "Hand over the map or we'll shiskibob ya!"

"Rika, go through the backstairs!" said Yo, opening another door.

"But what about you??" Rika asked.

"Pandas are becoming the Penguins of the movie industry, kid. I'll be fine."

Just as Rika had sped out the back, the door was blasted open.

"You want some of this?!" Yo shouted, getting into a fighting stance and doing the 'come here' thing with his hand. "Come and get it!!"

--

Daffy and Porky were desperately searching for the bullets.

"N-n-nice going, Pig," Daffy snapped. "This gun is useless without bullets!!"

"Y-y-_you _dropped the bullets!" Porky yelled angrily. "And you're s-s-spilling the powder!!"

Just then, the door slammed open, and the pirates stormed in.

"Where's the map?!" Stinkmeaner demanded.

Porky and Daffy glanced at each other, and ran off screaming.

"GET THEM!!"

The pirates began chasing the two, when Porky accidently dropped a candle he was holding. It struck the line of gunpowder, turning into a fireball. This caught everyone's attention.

The ball of fire started following the trail of gunpowder, which was headed straight for the group.

The pirates looked at Daffy and Porky. Daffy and Porky looked at the pirates.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!"**

All of them took off running, screaming like beheaded chickens.

The fireball_ followed_ them.

"OUTTA MY WAY!! OUTTA MY WAY!!"

The fire continued to follow.

"RUNRUNRUNRUNRUN!!"

The fire still sped along the trail of gunpowder.

"YAAAH!! MOMMY!!"

How much powder did Daffy lose??

"WAAAAAAH!!"

After some more running, they all stopped to see the fireball heading in another direction.

One pirate looked down to see that he was standing on the barrel of gunpowder.

And the fireball was heading right towards it.

"Uh oh."

_**KAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!**_

--

Rika had made her way out the back and away from harm.

Suddenly, there was an enormous explosion, and pirates began shooting out the roof.

Rika stared, wide-eyed.

"Is it fourth of July already?"

Then, a roasted duck and a pound of fried ham landed at her feet.

"Guys!!" she yelped. "I was worried, are you ok??"

"Dandy." Daffy coughed.

--

Stinkmeaner was wandering around the inn aimlessly.

"Ay, Who's cookin' a steak?! Get yo' lazy asses' outta the kitchen, boys!!"

**BOOOOM!!**

**--**

The trio made a safe distance away from the inn.

"N-n-n-now what do we d-do?" asked Porky.

"Well," said Rika. "We can't go home, so-o-o…"

She pulled out the map.

"How about an adventure?" She shrugged with an uneasy smile.

Daffy beamed. Porky frowned.

"No w-w-w-way!" he said, crossing his arms. "I ref-ref-re- will not allow you to t-t-take us into danger! We're staying r-r-right here!!"

"Great idea, Porky!" Rika smiled, and then glared. "Let's stay and see what bloodthirsty, vicious pirates look like!"

**BOOOOOOOOOOM!!**

Porky stared at the building.

Stinkmeaner had just been blasted through the roof.

"What are we w-w-w-waiting for?!" Porky shouted while grinning like a lunatic. "LET'S GET THAT T-T-T-TREASURE!!"

"Wait, what about Master Yo??" asked Rika.

Suddenly, a pirate was smashed through the brick wall of the Inn, leaving a gaping hole. Out came Yo, wiping the dust off his hands.

"I'LL BE OK, KIDS!!" he called. "GET OUTTA HERE!!"

Rika, Porky, and Daffy's mouths hung open.

"How does he DO that?!" They all asked.

With a shrug, the three ran off into the night.

Yo looked at the burning inn.

"Well…" he sighed. "At least now I can build that dojo I always wanted…"


	3. The Captain and the Cook

**Chapter 3**

**The Captain and the Cook**

The next day, Rika and her two stooges were riding on the back of a horse-drawn cart through town. They were all covered in soot and exhausted. They were looking for a certain shop.

"What a night." Daffy groaned. "I never want to hear the word 'pirate' again."

"GET AWAY FROM MY PIE, RAT!!" a woman screamed from her house.

Rika spotted what they were looking for.

"There it is!"

The three hopped off the cart and walked up to the building.

"'Mung Daal: Master Ship Builder'" Rika read aloud. "Yep, this is the place, guys!"

She knocked on the door. Porky was still unsure of the whole idea.

"I'm still u-u-unsure of the w-w-w-whole idea, friends." Porky repeated what I just said. "Do you r-r-really think we'll be a-able to get a ship just by showing this guy C-C-Ca-Ca- Mr. Sparrow's map?"

"Well…" Rika started. Porky did have a point.

"Oh pee-shaw, Porks," Said Daffy. "It's worth a shot."

The door was opened, and an elderly lady with little Fairly Odd Parents wings floated out. She was wearing a green outfit, large glasses, and a mushroom-shaped hat. Since no one seems to mention her in the story, her name is Truffles.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Uh, hi," said Rika. "Can we talk with Mr. Daal? We need a ship."

"My husband's out." Truffles said. "He'll be back on the twenty-seventh of Saint Lulu."

The trio blinked.

"Meaning…?" asked Rika.

"He won't be back for a very long time!" Truffles snapped. "Geez."

The three groaned.

"Thanks anyway." Rika sighed. They started to leave.

"Actually," Truffles thought. "I could introduce you to his half-wit assistant, Chowder." She suppressed a laugh.

Rika, Daffy, and Porky perked up.

"Sure, I guess we could meet with him!" said Rika.

--

Chowder was a chubby cat/bear/rabbit thing with purple attire and a hat with two pointy things. At the moment, he was at his desk, looking at the map through a magnifying glass.

"Well, after studying this, I've discovered something!" Chowder said excitedly.

"What is it??" the three asked excitedly.

"It's a MAP!" he grinned happily.

They stared at him.

"We already knew that." Rika deadpanned.

"Oh." said Chowder. "…and what a great map it is!"

"_Isn't he cute?" _Rika giggled softly.

"_He's a dope_._" _Daffy rolled his eyes.

"Yep, this is definitely a genuine bonafyed treasure map!" Chowder continued.

"Really?!" Rika asked. Daffy and Porky were just as ecstatic.

"Uh huh! Kimchi told me so!"

They stared at Chowder again. They stare a lot in this story, huh?

"Oh, Kimchi's the little man who lives in my finger!" Chowder explained happily, holding up a finger.

"He's really smart! He's been to Uranus!"

"Ew." Said Porky.

Chowder put his finger to his ear.

"Oh, sorry. _Twice_!"

"He's more looney than we are…"Daffy mumbled.

**BLAM!**

They whirled around just in time to see a man get blasted through the wall. He was a short guy with black hair and doctor scrubs. Screaming, he flew across the room and crashed into the wall.

"Good work, newbie." A voice called. Stepping into the room was a man in his thirties, wearing a doctor's uniform. "Now we know that was _too _much gunpowder."

"Hiya, guys!" Chowder waved. "Guys, this is Dr. Cox and his assistant, JD. They do research, experiments, and other stuff for Mung."

"Pleasure to meet you." Said Dr. Cox, shaking Rika's hand.

Rika stared at him, and then looked at JD.

Dr. Cox noticed. "Oh, don't mind him." He turned around. "Hey, Maria! Stop being rude! We have company!"

JD removed his head from the wall. "Hi." He coughed.

"Actually, Chowder, we were hoping to meet your boss." explained Rika. "We need a ship for an ocean voyage."

"Ocean?" Chowder asked. "Ocean… ocean…" he held up the finger where Kimchi lived. "What's an ocean, Kimchi?"

"You know, the _ocean." _Daffy interrupted.

"…"

"The sea?" Rika tried.

"…"

"The b-b-b-big blue wet thing??" said Porky, exasperated.

The gears in Chowder's head (literally) began to work. "…OH! The big blue wet thing!" Chowder smiled. "Yeah!"

This whole time, Dr. Cox and JD had been looking over the map.

"Hey, I see where you guys are going at!" JD spoke up. "You want to sail to this island and dig up the treasure, don't you?"

"Yeah, but we need to be _very _quiet about it," Rika lowered her voice to a whisper. "_There are pirates after this map!"_

JD and Chowder gasped.

"That's right! And they want to cut us open and rip our intestines out! Isn't that sick?!" asked Daffy.

JD and Porky looked ready to barf.

"Not really, no." said Dr. Cox. Everyone looked at him oddly.

"Pirates!!" Chowder beamed. "That settles everything! We can use one of Mung's boats, and I'll personally finance the voyage myself!"

"You will?" Rika asked happily.

"Yep! Just make sure Mung doesn't find out. The last time I did something without permission, I ended up having to poo a lot."

Everyone (again) stared at him.

--

A few days later, the voyage was ready to start.

Rika, Daffy, Porky, JD, and Dr. Cox made their way down the busy dock.

"Well, here's the dock." said Rika. "We just gotta find the boat."

"We're on a dock?" Dr. Cox asked. "No wonder it smells like newbie's locker."

"How was _I_ supposed to know the tuna was bad??"

"Hey!" shouted Chowder, running over.

"Hey, Chowder." they greeted.

"There he is: _The Thousand Sunny_!" Chowder pointed to a ship parked in the docks. Everyone looked on in awe.

"Wow!" said Rika.

"I-i-it's amazing!" said Porky.

The ship was gigantic, donning a bright red-and-yellow color with a grass deck. The mast of the ship had a lion's head on it. Sticking out of the lion's mouth were two wooden figures. One was a blonde six-year-old with spiky hair and a red-and-black striped shirt. The other was an antrhromorphic tiger. They were both wearing those George Washington wigs.

"'Oh, come on Hobbes! It's the adventure of a lifetime' you said!" The tiger, Hobbes, complained. "'Let's go see the world' you said! Great, Just great! Now we're stuck at the front of this ship with these itchy wigs!"

"We'll, we could be a bunch of teenagers who have nothing better to do than sit on their computers and read fanfictions all day." Said Calvin.

"At least they have chicken…" Hobbes moaned.

Chowder stood on the ship's deck, looking around.

"Well Kimchi, the ship has its stuff, the crew is in place and the captain should be onboard in a few minutes. Wow, you've been busy!"

Rika, Porky, and Daffy climbed up to the steering wheel.

"W-w-w-wow, Rika! It's the steering wh-w-w-wh-w- round thing!" said Porky.

"They call it the helm." Explained Rika.

"Oh," said Porky. "W-w-well! How does it feel, _c-c-captain _Rika?" he smiled.

Rika grinned. She felt so alive, actually standing at the helm of a ship.

"It feels like… we're actually doing, guys!" she said. "It feels like we're finally having an adventure!"

"Uh huh." Said Daffy. "I'm starved, where's the kitchen?"

He ran off.

Rika and Porky rolled their eyes and followed him.

--

The trio hurried down to the galley.

"Mmm-MM!" Daffy took a sniff at the air. "Something smells delicious!"

As they came down, they heard someone singing.

Voice: _**Hey-ho, and up she rises**_

_**Hey-ho, and up she rises**_

_**Hey-ho, and up she rises early in the morning…**_

They saw a figure shrouded in steam, working away at the counter in the kitchen.

Figure: _**Put 'em in the longboat till he's sober**_

_**Put 'em in the longboat till he's sober**_

_**Put 'em in the longboat till he's sober early in the morning…**_

"Ahem." Said Daffy.

The figure turned around. Rika noticed a strange glow coming from his left eye.

"What 'ave we here?" he demanded. "Stowaways!"

He took out a sword from nowhere.

"I'm afraid we slice n' barbeque stowaways on _this _ship!!"

Rika, Daffy, and Porky gulped, backing away.

The cook let a laugh press through his lips, and then he started howling madly.

The trio loosened up and started laughing too.

The cook turned back to the counter and started to clean a fish.

"New cabin boys and girl 'ey?" he laughed. "Ya hungry? Well, in my galley, you're always welcome to eat 'til you burst!"

"YES!" The three cheered. Spotting a turkey, they dove for it and started munching away.

"Ya'ave quite and appetite, lads and lass!" the cook continued. "'Aven't eaten in a while, eh?"

"Try living with a lazy panda who only feeds you table scraps for a few years." Daffy said in between bites.

"Oh, p-p-p-pardon us," said Porky, who stopped eating. "I'm P-Porky Pig,"

Daffy suddenly shoved the entire turkey in his mouth.

"Hey!" Rika shouted.

"…A-and the duck who made your turkey d-d-dis-dis- vanish is Daffy."

"Yo!" said Daffy, grabbing a chicken drumstick that was on the table.

"Aye, and you must be young Rika Itonami!" the cook said. "You've got quite a pretty face there, lass!"

"Thank you, sir." Said Rika, smiling.

"Oh, you needn't be calling a lowly cook 'sir'. Long John Silver at your service, ma'am!"

"Aw, but we're just cabin boys… and girl, Mr. Silver." said Rika. "You don't need to treat _us _with respect."

"Aye, but friends treat each other with respect, don't they?" Long John asked. "And believe me, lass, a friend you can trust is worth his or her weight in gold. There's many a dark hearted scoundrel in these here waters."

"You mean p-p-pirates?" asked Porky.

"Shhh!" Long John hissed.

Suddenly, a green hedgehog with a scar on his stomach, wearing black attire and sunglasses jumped up and sat on the table.

"Pirates? What a load!" He laughed. "Your brains are full of lead!"

"You're not so smart-looking yourself, John Travolta." Rika frowned.

"Ah, don't mind Scourge, lassie. He can be a temper-breaker, but he's 'armless." Said Silver, who was heating up some bowls of soup.

"If you ask me, Silver, we have enough cabin boys as it is." He grinned wickedly. "We should roast the duck and save ourselves a Christmas dinner!"

"JUST a moment, _pal!!" _Daffy shouted, stomping over to Scourge. "You, my good man, are_ severely _out of line, speaking of me as if I were an inanimate object!"

"You're _brain _is out of line, beaky." Scourge laughed.

"Why youuuu…"

"That's enough o' that, Scourge, beat it!" Silver snapped, throwing an apple at Scourge's head. Grumbling, Scourge made his way up the steps, blowing a raspberry at Daffy. The latter stuck his tongue out like a five-year-old Englishman.

"Well now, me hearties," said Silver, putting down setting down the bowls of soup on the counter. "I'm gonna give yeh a cook's tour of this 'ere ship!"

"If you're gonna be the cook, Mr. Long John, then we're gonna need bigger pants!" joked Rika, who had just finished nibbling on a chicken drumstick.

Silver laughed, finally emerging from the steam.

Rika, Daffy, and Porky gasped, jumping back.

In place of Silver left arm and leg, he had a full-cybernetic robot arm, a metal stump with an air pump for a leg, and the area around his left eye was fully mechanical.

"_A cyborg..." _Rika whispered.

"What's wrong?" Silver asked when he noticed them staring. "Ah, these?" He pointed to his bionics. "Lost me limbs during the Boshin War in Japan. Aye, the Samurai were fierce warriors before the Meiji restoration."

Long John held up his normal hand, revealing that he only had three fingers!

"Look what an assassin did in exchange for me own life!"

The three looked at it, agast.

Suddenly, he uncurled his fingers, showing that they were on his hand the entire time.

Silver laughed, as well as the other three, but they were a bit uneasy.

"I like you kids, ya know? You're a fine pair of lads and lass."

A bell rang out from above.

"All hands on deck!" a voice shouted.

"Well, there's our call, mates!" said Silver, heading up the stairs. The three followed him.

Above deck, the first mate was ordering around the chattering crew. He was a large, chunky man of Japanese origin. His most noticeable feature was his extremely large nose.

"Let's go, move it!" he barked. "The captain-san will be here soon!"

"Who's that?" Rika asked Chowder, pointing to the man.

"Oh, that's first mate Saruta. He was once one of those …uh… sammer eye people from Japan!"

Silver eyed Saruto suspiciously.

Suddenly, a trumpet rang out in the distance. Saruto whirled around.

"Captain-san approaches!!" he called out.

Indeed, a horse-drawn carriage was being driven down the street at an increasingly high speed. People screamed and ducked for cover at the cart sped along. One person was running in the same direction of the carriage, making it seem like it was chasing him.

"MOVE!" Saruto ordered. "Make way for Captain-san! All delayers will face his wrath!!"

"Wrath? What is this guy, the Godfather?" asked Daffy.

"Don't spit on me, duck!" Saruto snapped, grabbing the duck's beak. "And yes, the captain is a raging volcano, tormented by inner demons!! A mere mortal cannot understand the _pain _he must endure _every moment of his waking life!!"_

Daffy and Porky clung to each other fearfully as Saruto said the last part right in their faces.

By now, the carriage had made it to the front of the ship. Everyone waited anxiously.

The carriage door opened, and out came a scary-looking elderly man who seemed to be dressed as a Judge. Everyone held their breaths.

…And then the scary dude stepped aside, revealing a scruffy seventeen-year-old with a steak hanging from his mouth.

"Hey, everybody!!" He called out, grinning.

There were many stares from the ship.

"_That's _the raging volcano?" Rika deadpanned. "He looks pretty happy to me."

"M-M-Maybe his ch-cheekbones are stuck." Porky shrugged.

The captain turned to the scary guy. "Hey, Thanks for the ride, Frodo!"

"It's _Frollo._" The man began to say before the boy climbed aboard the ship.

"Now boarding: Captain Monkey D. Luffy!" Saruto said with a slight bow. "Welcome aboard, Luffy-san."

"Hey, Saruto!" Luffy smiled, giving a slight punch to the first mate's shoulder.

"I knew it. He's furious!" Saruto whispered, feeling his shoulder. He noticed the railing Luffy had touched and wiped his finger on it. It was dusty.

"Aha!" he said. "Who's the janitor around here??"

"Yo."

Saruto turned around and saw a tall man with black hair, wearing a custodian suit with a nametag that simply read JANITOR. On his back was the word MANITANCE.

"You were in charge of cleaning the ship! I order you to commit Hara Kiri, and then you walk the plank!"

Luffy, who was finishing his meat, turned back to Saruto.

"Um… I didn't say that."

"I was anticipating you whim, sir."

"Eh?" asked Luffy, tilting his head. He spotted Rika, Daffy, and Porky. "Oh, you guys must be the new cabin crew."

"Ah, yes, C-C-C-C-C-Admiral, sir!" said Porky, politely saluting.

"Hey, you're that spiky-haired kid's kid!" said Luffy, recognizing Rika.

"You knew my dad?" asked Rika, surprised.

"Yup, he was a great guy!" Luffy grinned. "Kinda goofy, but a great guy anyway."

"Wow, thanks!" said Rika, smiling.

Suddenly, there was a low rumble from Luffy's stomach.

"I'm hungry…" Luffy grumbled. "I'm gonna get some meat. See you guys later!"

In a spilt second, Luffy had run right into the galley.

Silver chuckled, giving Rika a pat.

"This is starting out to be quite a voyage, lass." He said. "Well, I better be getting' the captain outta me kitchen before we run out of food!"

As he walked off, Porky pulled Rika aside.

"_Rika, r-r-remember what Jack told us…_" he whispered. "_Long J-John is a __cyborg!__ Cyborg equals bad in this situation!!"_

"Well, he seems pretty harmless to me." Rika shrugged. "But I guess we _should_ keep an eye out."

"Good. I g-g-get chills just th-th-thinking ab-" Porky looked around. "Wait, where's D-D-Daffy?"

Somehow, Daffy had set up a fancy stairway leading on to the ship. The duck was standing behind a cash register while a bunch of people climbed up and handed him cash.

"Enjoy your cruise, good sir!" said Daffy, stuffing the money in the machine. "_NEXT!!"_

The passengers were mostly made up of teenagers. One of them, a Goth girl, looked concerned.

"Guys, do you really think this is a good idea?" she asked. "The last time we all singed up for a luxury, it turned out to be a trick to get us on that stupid reality show."

"Way to spoil the mood, Goth freak." Another girl, who seemed Asian, replied. "Of course you would have to ruin everyone's fun just for kicks!"

"Now, _now, _my ladies!" said Daffy. "I can assure you that this cruise will be the thrill of a lifetime! At DUCK TOURS UNLIMTED, we can assure that you won't be disappointed! _NEXT!!"_

"Daff, what're you _doing?_"

Daffy turned to see Rika and Porky looking at him sternly.

"What, this little shindig? I just figured that if the treasure was a no-go, the trip wouldn't be a COMPLETE failure, financially speaking."

Rika rolled her eyes. Porky sighed.

Some time later, after Luffy finished stuffing himself, he came on deck and took a look around.

"Ah, the wind feels great!" he said. "Alright! Saruto, let's get the adventure started!"

"The voyage has begun!" said Saruto. "Raise the gangplank, let go forward line, let go aft line, hard to starboard!"

As the crew did all this, he added, "and anyone caught dawdling will be killed on sight!"

"Are you always this grumpy?" Luffy asked

"I was just paraphrasing."

"Just get the boat going."

"SET THE SAILS!" Saruto ordered.

The sails of the ship were let down, and the boat immediately sailed off.

Excited, Rika climbed to the front of the ship and looked into the distance.

"Here we go, guys!" she said. "Our journey begins!"

"I'm gonna get started on my will." Said Daffy, moaning.

**(A/N: For those who don't know this, Saruto is a recurring character in Osamu Tezuka's manga series, **_**Phoenix.)**_


	4. News

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

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